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March 11, 2005

Any Body Have Her Address?

Dear Mari Winsor,

I hate you. My stomach and legs are so sore today. You know when your muscles get tired and you try to make them work and they start to shake a bit? Yeah. My stomach just did that. When I tried to sit up straight. When sitting up hurts your "powerhouse," that can't be good, right? And just so you know, if you have fat legs, that makes them heavy. And that makes it extremely hard to hold them at a 45 degree angle for extended lenths of time. And if you have a fat stomach, it is virtually impossible to fold yourself flat so that your nose touches your toes or whatever. Not because I'm not that flexible, but because, well, my tummy keeps getting in the way. And another thing. The mermaid? It is not a beautiful excercise. It is painful. And quite possibly bad for my wrists. Surely it's not good for a chunky girl to push her whole body up on one wrist, right? And I'm sorry. I'm really fcuking sorry that my ass weighs so much that I cannot effortlessly lay on my back and - in a smooth motion - bring my feet to rest over and behind my head. I'm sorry that I have to have a little momentum going to be able to do that.

But the point is, I tried. And I'll try again. Even though I really don't think this is the safest workout for people who weigh more than 3 pounds. I mean, did you design your workout for thin people who just want to tone? Because if you did, those damn cd's should come with a disclaimer. Something like, "Yo. Fatass. This workout is not for you. Lose 30 pounds and then give me a call." But I've gotten off track again. So yeah. For now, I'll be keeping the mama jama workout to just once a week. I think me and my powerhouse need a little more time to adjust before slipping that workout in twice a week.

And it's not all bad. I can actually feel that I have a stomach muscle now, so that's good. And I lost a pound this week, so maybe soon the new muscle will start melting away the old fat - or wahtever it is your program claims to do.

Really, I just wanted to write to say that I hate you and thank you in totally equal parts. I mean, someone's gotta kick my ass if it's gonna get any smaller. I think you picked the right way to do it. I don't think you'd last very long if you came to my house to train me personally. Because after a while I would get tired and cranky and, let's face it, I could sit on you and totally kick your well sculpted ass.

MissDirected

Posted by amy t. at March 11, 2005 08:38 AM

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Posted by: debutaunt at March 11, 2005 10:51 AM